Help as Helper

Help as a helper.

By Roger Hitchcock
Counsellor & Community Representative West Australia

The body and mind’s ability to feel in unison results in an ability to feel great and an ability to feel not so great. Most of us know the feeling of being sick with the flu and how that effects our ability to function. Similarly, we also know when we aren’t feeling ourselves mentally and how this to affects our ability to function. Just as importantly family and friends who know us well can feel and see that we are not well. Usually, close friends and family are the first to offer or be asked to help.

Seeking help when you are not feeling yourself is a Strength. It takes a very strong person to approach someone and ask for help because they don’t feel quite right. More strength than keeping these feelings to yourself. It also takes a very strong person to help a person who says I’m not feeling myself. Giving help to someone not feeling themselves can be confronting and leave you feeling vulnerable. But many are that strong person who stops, listens, and helps.

When someone picks up the phone and rings me to say I think I need some help I immediately know I have a person who although feeling vulnerable is strong. This strength to seek help is an asset which can be utilised to help that person get back on track.

As a counsellor I’m required to meet with a supervisor once a month to discuss how I’m going myself. How am I coping being a helper helping others?

In my travels I meet people who help and care for others. There have been times when I’ve been the counsellor for a person who is helping another. This is very effective as a helper can sometimes doubt if they are doing enough. It is extremely rare that I need to give advice that something the helper is doing could be done differently. Most people who have stepped up to help their friends or family member do a great job. So much so, I wonder if they have also been trained themselves. They may just want reinforcement that they are doing the right thing.

I can’t emphasise enough the power of stepping up when your friend needs help. Mates and families know each other better than a stranger. Sometimes talking to a neutral person such as a counsellor is better because there will be no judgement or criticism. But where someone approaches a mate or family member for help then usually the subject is something you also need to keep private. This is unless that person intends to harm themselves or others, then I advise you tell someone.

But helpers also need to release their stress or frustration that helping another can cause.

As a helper you may be feeling that you need to discuss what is happening to keep yourself on track. Maybe you need to just check that what you are doing is Ok because of a bit of self-doubt. Then a counsellor who you enter a confidentiality agreement with can be a huge support. Even if this is just to release some tension so you can better cope. This is also why counsellors have to have supervision with another counsellor.

If as a helper you yourself become ill or you begin to become anxious, stressed or very tired it is so important that you look after yourself first. By keeping yourself well you can better care or help others. Otherwise, one becomes two people who need help. As a helper look after yourself, have some time to yourself, remember that there is help for you as well.

A lot of people close to us really care about us and each other. Be strong ask for help, be strong and offer that help. Call me as a qualified counsellor and I will help. Together we will achieve more than trying to muddle through on our own. Why? Because you matter that’s why. You are important to a lot of people.